Saturday, 23 September 2023

The Time Warrior: Ranking - 60

 

The Time Warrior

(Season 11, Dr 3 with Sarah Jane, 15/12/1973-5/1/1974, producer: Barry Letts, script editor: Terrance Dicks, writer: Robert Holmes, director: Alan Bromly)

Rank: 60

   'Hello Irongron, we're The Normans - and we've just made a fantastic pact with The Rutans for a load of futuristic technology to wipe you English out. Of course, its turned all our troops green, but we've blamed all that as a side effect of the stinky cheese we have all been eating and so far nobody's thought to question it. Except, oops...Unfortunately we've just been stopped by a longshanks rascal with a mighty grin and a scarf that would have taken our full herd of cattle to knit, so we're feeling vulnerable. How about  quick peace deal instead then, eh? And then we can team up and smash the Spanish! Oh wait, no, hang on, they've teamed up with The Mara to make The Armada and our ships have all been sunk by a giant pink snake. Oh well, back to the drawing board!'

 




  


 Or ‘A Gallifreyan Timelord in Lord Irongron’s Court...With Sontarons’. Not many Dr Who stories can be summed up in one sentence – certainly few good ones can – but when that one line is ‘a potato headed alien invades a Medieval Castle’ you know you’re in for something special. Despite the title ‘The Tine Warrior’ is one of those stories that’s really pretty timeless – not just because it’s the sort of story that would go down well in any of the sixty years this show has been on the air but because it’s all about how times never change (it’s just that the people in them wear different clothes). Dr Who’s first trip back in time for a massive seven years (give or take being dropped into a miniscope zoo, but that was in the future via a timeloop so it doesn’t count, honest!), many fans had forgotten that the Tardis could even go back to the past. Writer Robert Holmes was himself not at all sure about this commission from old friend Terrance Dicks and thought stepping into the past was a step backwards, as it were (he’d been bored by ‘Marco Polo’ once and turned off and feared other viewers would do the same). However Dicks was adamant: the production team were getting more and more letters every week about how good it would be to go into the past again. Holmes pleaded for it to be given to someone else to no avail, especially when he leafed through a children’s book on castles and struggled to work out how to make his story interesting and historically accurate. Holmes then decided to dispense with the ‘celebrities’ he remembered from stories past and to create a new alien and throw him into the mix to see how the humans reacted, in much the same way other writers did with the Doctor.


Though not a natural researcher Holmes was a voracious reader of anything and everything and was partway through Prussian General Carl von Clausewitz’s epic ten volume ‘On War’ about the similarities in battle strategy across human history when the commission came through. The wars differed slightly in costume and needs, but were basically the same: intimidate the enemy, threaten the enemy, divide the enemy, invade the enemy, occasionally outwit the enemy, send in more troops, repeat. Holmes was struck by the fact that all these successive generations hoped that the war they’d just fought would be it, that once it was out the way peace would reign forevermore, but there was something inherent in humanity, a certain flaw that meant there was always one more battle worth fighting, one more war worth waging. This got him thinking: if it was the same for us, for all our supposed evolution, then maybe it was the same for an alien race for all their supposed technology? So he devised a story where a militaristic alien falls to Earth in the course of his fight against a bitter mortal enemy and winds up working for the Earthman who finds him, helping him in the course of his fight against a bitter and mortal enemy. As above so below, only with more futuristic weapons. The Sontarons also live up to that famous phrase by historian Thomas Hobbe that life in Medieval England was ‘nasty, brutish and short’ – a description The Doctor gives of his enemy here. Holmes being Holmes his new invention also gives him a cheeky excuse to poke fun at the series and the ‘Earthbound’ format he never agreed with by having this alien effectively become the ‘scientific advisor’ to a backward military race (much like The Doctor at UNIT!) Linx even has a sort-of sonic screwdriver, which shoots one end and works as a truth ray when pointed the other way.


The alien isn’t just a one dimensional joke though and Linx, our first Sontaron, is still my favourite of the tinpot warriors we get to meet, a schemer and manipulator who gets increasingly frustrated when things don’t go his way. Kevin Lindsay, who’s so different in his ‘other’ role out the costume as the kindly K’anpo in ‘Planet Of The Spiders’, gives one of the single greatest performances in the series, throwing himself whole-heartedly into the part despite a heart condition and turning his Sontaron into more than just the simple soldier he was in the script (the director, wondering out loud if he was pronouncing ‘Sontaron’ right was told at rehearsals ‘If anyone should know how to pronounce it it’s me – I bloody am one!’; actually Holmes’ intention was ‘Sontar-on’ not ‘Son-Tar-on’ but you don’t argue with a warrior). As much as they’re a clone race, more often than not played by Kevin Lindsay anyway in future stories, Linx has an extra layer of sarcasm and wit that the others don’t have and a temper twice the size that he is, while he’s one of the few aliens that can go toe-to-toe debating with The Doctor (rather than being mute or making half-dialogue like the Daleks or Cybermen). Surprisingly we’ve had very few out-and-out fighters in the alien races we’ve seen in Dr Who: most tend to be sophisticated, stealthy or at the very least chatty, while even the Daleks and Cybermen come with back stories that fleshes out just why they ended up in their metal or cybernetic casings that makes them more than mere soldiers. The Sontarons though are as straightforward as they come: they’re bred for war, any war, though its one they’re fighting with The Rutans that takes precedence – Earthlings are just collateral damage in their endless fight (though I find it amazing that we’ve still never had a full Sontaron-Rutan match on screen in all these years). New Who has enjoyed taking their straightforward obliviousness and single-mindedness and turning them into a comedy monster, but here in particular it’s the Sontarons’ ruthlessness and willingness to win at all costs that makes them so dangerous.


The Sontarons are lethal because there’s so many of them that can be bred ‘every military parade’ they don’t need to be careful like other races facing extinction. They’re the sort of fanatics perfectly happy to go to any lengths and die in the name of their cause because if they die in battle nobly then great – it’s the best way to die - and they know there’s another million clones waiting in the wings anyway. Even Davros or The Cyber Controller want to save their skins when things get hairy, but not the Sontarons: they have a death wish and don’t mind who they take with them either. It makes sense they should first meet up against the regeneration who is in so many ways the most peace-loving of the Doctors (despite or perhaps because of working for UNIT), the one who in every story is determined to do everything to prevent all-out conflict (before the Brigadier blows people up usually, though he’s barely in this story). Maybe it’s no surprise we end up with comedy characters like Strax from here though: Holmes’ scripts were often tongue-in-cheek and often the joke is on Linz for not having the imagination to see that he’s being outwitted. The first classic cliffhanger (when Linx finally takes his helmet off) is one of the series’ best gags (we’ve got so used to seeing Sontarons now that it’s somewhat lost on us, but the fact that the alien has a helmet-shaped head after 25 minutes of fevered behind-sofa speculation of what might be underneath it is hilarious). The most famous of the ‘colour’ era monsters right up until The Weeping Angels, there’s a reason The Sontarons took off in the public perception: they’re a brilliant idea and never better than here where they sound right, act right (Lindsay gave his all, even at the cost of his health, collapsing on set in the heavy claustrophobic costume late on and having his remaining scenes broken up by regular rests) – and look right, the superb costume a collaboration between costume designer James Acheson and makeup artist Sandra Exelby, who both excel at coming up with a creature described I Holmes’ script simply as a cross between a Human and a toad dressed in a futuristic suit of armour. 


What Linx can’t see is that he’s repeating history and the joke’s on him, especially the gloriously silly scene where he arrives on a fully inhabited planet and plants his weedy flag that no one will ever see (in Holmes’ foreword to the Target novel of this story, finished off by Terrance Dicks, his first name turns out to be ‘Jingo’, as in ‘Jingoistic’). He’s also so sure of his military might that he hasn’t worked out that, as a creature from a planet with higher gravity, he’s not built for Earth conditions and thus tires himself out easily (the opposite of their rival Rutan gas-bags). Sontarons are also vain enough to see their probic vents at the back of the neck with pride, as assign that they always have to face each other in battle – but don’t have the imagination to see that other races without the same moral code (including, presumably the Rutans) don’t need to submit to the same moral code and can take them out easily (it seems a mighty weird evolutionary quirk, just one vulnerable part without armour where they both feed and recharge, a cross between a throat and a hole for a charger plug. You’d think they’d at least cover it with something - a helmet would be in keeping. At least by the time The Doctor defeats them multiple times if not here).
This is one of those Dr Who stories that’s all about perspective and your place in the food chain: to his people in medieval England Irongron is a near-God, a lord who keeps them safe and fights all their battles, a shark in a duckpond. To Linx he’s a primitive like all the other humans, someone easily manipulated into doing his bidding, a minnow in a drop in a puddle insignificant compared to the real battle against the Rutans. To a timelord, though, both are primitive for even thinking in terms of war when you’re someone who can flit out of history and see it all, including how little it ever gets anyone for any length of time. Everyone in this story is short-sighted and unable to see further than the end of their nose (all except the timelord with the mighty sized one, a  joke at poor Pertwee’s expense). Notably both sides are closer foes than they seem and each treats the Doctor in exactly the same way for all their technology because neither gets the point of what life is for (the Doctor spends a lot of this story being captured by both). Just to ram the point home about what an alien he is this is the first story that refers to The Doctor’s home planet as ‘Gallifrey’ – yes even though we’ve been there already it’s never been referred to by name (Holmes was shocked that it didn’t have a name and asked if he could give it one, basing it on one of his favourite words ‘gallimaufry’ (more for the sound of it than the meaning, which is simply a ‘mixture’ of something),though technically the first reveal of the name came a week after the story was filmed (and five months before broadcast) in reply to a letter asking about the Doctor’s background in TV Action Comic. The Doctor is different to anyone here, above it all, outside the boundaries of space and time that no one else is able to see past. After all, Linx is what the Doctor could have been had he been less moralistic, an exiled alien sent to Earth in a timezone he finds primitive and where all that brainpower is used to simply make weapons to blow other primitive people up (just as Irongron is a less moral – and hairier – Brigadier with all the military might of his local area at his command).


One of the other things that annoyed Holmes, apart from research, was paperwork. Traditionally writers had to submit a scene breakdown to prove that they knew what they were doing – useful for first time writers who maybe needed a bit of help and a reminder not to put twenty expensive battle sequences and a metaphysical lizard wizard together (naming no names Bob Baker and Dave Martin!) It’s kind of null and void for this story though: Dicks has been script editor for five years and is thinking of moving on, with his friend Bob the obvious successor. Yet paperwork still had to be done. Holmes, knowing that any old thing would be accepted, wrote in reply one of the single funniest bits of Dr Who prose ever committed to paper, even though it wasn’t until the fanzines in the 1990s that the general public were able to read it. Holmes wrote his entire scene breakdown as a missive from ‘Field Marhsall Hol Mes’ to ‘Group Leader Terran Cedicks’. Holmes then writes the entire story in the form of a military report, from the Sontaron’s point of view, as he lands on ‘an inhabited backwater planet third from their sun’ and his great plan is interfered with by a meddling timelord in a blue box. The most notable differences between script and screen is that The Sontaron hides in a suit of armour where he’s assumed to be one of the locals in 13th century Wessex, that he’s discovered at night and that there’s a big ol’ robot fight at the end rather than just one (all inevitably cut by Dicks for reasons of budget). In the end, too, he dies by The Doctor’s hand as he writes his last report rather than local archer Hal.


Usually Holmes is up to some sort of disguised political commentary as mischief and some fans have picked up on that story breakdown which also happens to be written in the sort of American slang usually seen in Vietnam war movies with phrases like ‘gook’ ‘pow’ and ‘zap’ (none of them used onscreen). The Vietnam war was in its 19th year when this story went out in 1974 and winding down (there’s an official ceasefire in 1975) and the general consensus around the world was ‘what was the point of that then, eh?’ The Americans, like Linx, had wandered into a tiny country on the grounds that it was of ‘strategic value’ and they didn’t want it falling into the hands of their enemy (the Russian-like Rutans). They figured with their superior firepower the war would only last a few days and not take many troops, but the locals understood the landscape better and were sneakier, taking advantage of their one-track military firepower the way The Doctor does here (with traps and hidden mines rather than fake archers and smoke bombs but it’s much the same thing). The Sontarons’ arrogance has been turned against them because they lack the imagination to see how they might still be outsmarted, a valuable moral on a lefty series like Dr Who (and yes, it was woke decades before the term was a thing. Indeed has there ever been a series more wide awake to injustice and inequality than this one?!) Though it’s actually an addition by Dicks to keep the amount of extras needed down, even the reference to the population all away from home and fighting The Crusades feels like a dig at Vietnam (while most ‘classic’ Who stories are about the cold war if you dig deep enough anyway). The general sense in this script is that wars are just a by-product of mankind’s medieval mindset that somehow continued to become an anachronism in the present and it takes someone learned and noble like The Doctor to see through the stupidity of it all.


And yet change can happen, slowly, Meet Sarah Jane Smith, the new companion in her very first story, who hasn’t yet been cast when Holmes sat down to write this script and the only thing he had to go on was that she was a ‘feminist’ (Holmes, either as writer or script editor, has a hand in creating the first story for every female companion from Liz to Leela, covering a decade). So Holmes chucks her straight into a story that reminds her and us of how far feminism has come, with the best of this story’s many gags coming when Sarah tries to rally the female staff into action with the line ‘you’re all living in the Middle Ages!’ before looking round and realising where she is. She gets a memorable debut working on a story for her newspaper about disappearing scientists and who reckons The Doctor is a bit dodgy, sneaking into the Tardis to see what he’s up to. Barry Letts and Terrance Dicks created her to be a more proactive companion than Jo, one who was an outspoken feminist who had a curiosity that matched the Doctor’s without as much need to be protected and Sarah’s at her best in these early stories, full of spiky put-downs covering up a vulnerability and fright (as much as fans love the 4th Dr-Sarah pairing and as great as Elisabeth Sladen is bouncing off Tom Baker, her character is never quite as fully dimensional again past this season where she’s continually frightened and overwhelmed but pushes through pluckily anyway). Lis Sladen was hired as a last minute replacement for April Walker (who was hired when Pertwee was on holiday and he had a fit – not because he didn’t like her but because he felt she was too buxom and ‘mature’ and gave his Doctor no room to be protective; an expensive mistakes as April was paid in full for the season as per the terms of her contract) despite being very inexperienced on TV. So far she’s done three episodes of ‘Z Cars’ and it was producer Ron Craddock, a friend of Who producer Barry Letts, who recommended her to audition, along with a – sadly wiped – episode of Gerry Davis and Kit Pedlar’s ‘Doomwatch’ (where she plays another ‘Sarah’ in a story about how Doomwatch boss Quist once worked on the Manhattan Project and started having nightmare flashbacks, titled ‘Say Knifge, Fat Man’ – crazy title, crazy episode) so by rights everyone on Who should have known who she was. Out of work after this first flurry, Lis had just got a much needed advertisement for Cointreau Liquor and was getting in from a nightshoot at 2am when she found a panicked message on her answerphone inviting her to audition for Who that morning. In her sleepy state she hadn’t realised it was for a regular part. Reading an audition piece with regular Who baddy Stephen Thorne (who later plays opposite her again in her leaving story ‘The Hand Of Fear’) who turns into a lizard man, Letts and Pertwee (now very much on the audition panel) were struck by how well she switched from fight to courage and back again (Sladen said later she based Sarah on her eight year old cousin, who seemed frightened of everything new but charged ahead anyway). Accepted on the spot, reportedly Sladen rang up her agent to give her the good news – and got an earful for saying yes without the chance to negotiate terms! Pertwee, meanwhile, was thrilled with the casting (he and Letts reportedly gave thumbs up signals to each other at the audition behind Sladen’s back) but hated the name,  giving a mock-complaint that calling a character ‘Sarah Jane Smith’ with so many ‘s’ was mocking his speech impediment!


Holmes’ reaction to this new character is to throw her so far out of her comfort zone poor Sarah’s ideals and belief in equality take quite a hammering but as much as the script makes her a figure of fun for most of the story, running to keep up with what the audience already knows, these aren’t cruel put downs either: it’s the men in this story who don’t seem to have evolved much in a thousand odd years, with the Brig and UNIT just a higher-tech version of the Medieval soldiers battling over land and keeping their ‘local’ territory safe from invaders; actually women have come a long way, as Sarah shows (Holmes also makes the point that Sontarons only have one gender because they consider it slow and ineffectual – but without female Sontarons their race has stalled at the point of a war in endless stalemate). It’s a great debut for Elisabeth Sladen who manages to make Sarah the middle ground between Liz Jo and Leela to come, bright without being brainy, cute without being gullible and brave without being savage. It’s an even better one for Jon Pertwee who, for pretty much the last time, looks as if he’s having great fun, perfectly at home running round castles and out-mouthing humans and Sontaron alike (I so wish he’d had more historicals – this is his only one despite being the Dr for five years; by way of contrast Hartnell did eleven in three years). Indeed nobody watching this could think that the news would break soon after that he was leaving the show, such fun is he having here for more or less the last time: alas the news that Roger Delgado had died in a car crash in Turkey broke six days after the last recording session (which finished with a ginormous tea party in the castle grounds, with the owner’s daughter having invited lots of her classmates along) and while this story was in post-production. Pertwee, usually such a reliable actor, doesn’t seem quite himself for the rest of the year (it didn’t help that he was still missing Katy Manning deeply, accidentally introducing Lis to his colleagues by her predecessor’s name – and bursting into tears straight after).   


Unusually for Holmes, who tended to be a safe pair of hands brought in at the last minute or who worked on Dr Who alongside other projects, he had a lot of time spare to write this story and it shows: this may well be his cleverest script for the series and one that he’s clearly spent a lot of time thinking about, with all the contrasts and themes there in plain sight but never getting in the way of a rattlingly good story. Every main player receives great and quotable lines in this story and Holmes makes them all sound different: Sarah is ‘normal’, The Doctor ‘clever normal’, Linx ‘clever evil’ and Irongron ‘thick evil’. The Medieval characters all talk with some of the best Who period dialogue around while The Doctor and Linx natter about high-falluting spacey stuff and Sarah couldn’t be more out of the 1970s (umm, even if this story is actually set in the 1980s, given that no two writers could agree on when the UNIT stories were set). Director Alan Bromley even shoots this story like a costume drama, with lengthier scenes than normal and less camera cuts (so much so that this is one of the few Pertwee stories not only finished on time but early, something the cast – so used to over-runs – found unnerving!) The longer scenes help give extra emphasis to the dialogue, most o which is terrific. Perhaps best of all is the one Holmes borrows from Pertwee himself, who used to say that he loved getting the cast and crew to have ‘fun’ on his shows but reminded everyone that once the cameras were rolling they had to take things deadly seriously or the series wouldn’t work. It’s perfect for his Doctor as well as himself. Even the Brigadier, though he’s barely in this story, gets one of his all-time best lines when he describes the scientists as being ‘so top secret they don’t even k now what they’re doing themselves’, while Holmes continues to poke fun at Dick’s idea of the timelords as all-seeing gentry with the line where The Doctor calls them ‘galactic ticket inspectors’ (very different to ‘The War Games’ but close to what Holmes will himself write of their corrupt society in ‘The Deadly Assassin’ in a couple of years’ time). In keeping with his request not to do any research the characters in this story are all based on real warriors – but none of them English and true Saxon warriors almost certainly didn’t have names like ‘Irongron’ and ‘Bloodaxe’ (who are both Danish Vikings of the sort Irongron would loathe on sight: Bloodaxe is very Dr Who-ish explorer Leif Erikson’s brother in fact).
Yes there are more complex Dr Who scripts than this one, yes the sub-plot about the missing scientists gets a bit wasted (for a while it looks as if the script is going to be a repeat of ‘The Time Meddler’ and be all about the Doctor preventing past man getting his hands on future equipment, before Linx becomes more interesting as a foe), the sub-plot about building a robot doesn’t really go anywhere (it breaks rather too easily – the plot and the rather flimsy robot both) and Irongron’s hordes aren’t anywhere near as interesting as he is (David Daker as Irongron himself is just the right side of caricature and very much a 1970s English ‘lad’ , so much so you half expect to watch ye medieval football while drinking ye medieval beer. The production team originally wanted Bob Hoskins – perhaps to get across the parallels with Linx by casting another brutal short-arse – but Hoskins was busy and himself recommended Daker as a suitable replacement as they often did jobs the other couldn’t do. Daker is so good it’s hard to imagine anyone else in the part). Lots of actors either are or become regulars too: you can see Jeremy Bulloch (Hal) with nearly as silly a hairdo in ‘The Space Museum’ with brief consideration to making him a companion instead of Harry; Alan Rowe (Evans in ‘The Moonbase’) plays Edward of Wessex and June Brown, still a few years away from her breakout role as Dot Cotton, plays his wife Eleanor (I can guarantee it’s the youngest most Eastenders fans have ever seen her!): sadly all are a bit under-served by a script that only has space for the big guys. However for the most part ‘The Time Warrior’ does a lot of things very cleverly: it introduces a new companion, a new monster, re-introduces the idea that the Tardis can go back in time after a super long break and it makes a serious point about man’s evolution. However more than all of that it’s such a lot of fun, one of Dr Who’s most laugh out loud stories with a bunch of fun set pieces too. Far from being a step into the past, this historical feels like a warm coat, the sort of thing Who used to do so well and naturally and somehow still can. Holmes so got the last laugh: three years later, when he was script editor, he commissioned Terrance Dicks to write a historical set on a lighthouse involving The Sontaron’s bitter enemy The Rutans, despite Dicks’ protests he knew nothing about any of these things (see ‘The Horror Of Fang Rock’ for his response…)


POSITIVES + What’s more this entire story looks gorgeous: they filmed it in a real castle with lots of location filming – not an actual 13th century one (most of which are now damaged beyond repair) but a mock Victorian one, Peckerton Castle. It’s the furthest North the ‘classic’ 20th century series will ever go to film (even Vancouver in the ‘TV Movie’ is, technically, South of Cheshire) and won’t be beaten until as late as ‘Tooth and Claw’ in 2006 (which really is made in Scotland, unlike ‘Terror Of The Zygons’). It’s used for both Irongron’s castle and his Wessex rivals, shot from different angles and might just be the best use of a castle in the series to date. It might seem strange to describe it as a ‘very mediaeval English castle’ but if you’re not from round these parts you’d be surprised how much they vary and how many have been rather obviously repaired in later centuries, with the effect of looking as if someone’s poured several different limited editions of LEGO into one project (like the ‘Merlin’ series castle, which is actually French). The owners, an American family, really liked working with the Who production team who said they were better behaved and tidier than any number of feature film crews that had been there! Even more impressive in many ways, though, are the studio sets of the inside which fit perfectly with what the outside looks like. For a start, they look really well-lived in; so many TV programmes, from the ever-excellent Merlin down to its darker cousin Game Of Thrones, make the mistake of having castles look smart the way they do when tourists walk round them rather than lived in the way they did when dozens of people called them home. Not here: this place has seen better days already, even in 1200-and-something. Note how it also looks like Linx’s space ship (another highly impressive prop, round like a golf ball) which is basically just his own portable castle too, complete with thick layers and ‘turrets’ to keep invaders out, another of this episode’s throwbacks to how nothing really changes in past, present or future.


NEGATIVES - Pertwee hurt his back in an acting job years before Dr Who (some say it even goes back to his navy days), and it was the sort of injury that was intermittent and flared up suddenly from time to time. You can tell that its giving him gyp across much of season 11 (its one of the reasons he left the part he loved so much at the end of the year, along with the BBC cruelly turning down his request for a raise) and nowhere more than in the fight scenes for this story. Usually Pertwee would do all his own stunts unless really outrageous (and even then he’d try to give them a go) but the brawl in the castle where he gets thrown round Irongron’s castle alternates between him walking round much more gingerly than normal and his usual stunt double Terry Walsh in an all-too-obvious wig. Both are, alas, rather obvious. Pertwee’s hair too was struggling to gain it’s usual wave pattern in this era; there was a much-told convention anecdote, possibly related to this story, that one of Pertwee’s old navy friends called into his BBC dressing room to see him and was horrified to see him in a corset getting his hair permed!    


BEST QUOTE: Sarah Jane: ‘You're serious, aren't you?’ Doctor: ‘About what I do, yes. Not necessarily about the way I do it’.


PREQUELS/SEQUELS: Roughly six months after ‘The Time Warrior’ had been on air TV Comic had the 3rd Doctor landing back in the Middle Ages for a similar story all round, albeit with Human foes this time rather than Sontarons. ‘The Magician’ ran across the whole of July and the first half of August 1974 and issues #1177 and #1183, Who sandwiched in typical TV Comic style between strips based on Laurel and Hardy and Popeye. The strip saw The Tardis land in merry olde Englande where The Doctor is captured by Lord Waldean de Beauvain during a hunting expedition and stuck in his prison dungeons for poaching. It turns out the so-called Lord is actually the wicked younger brother of the rightful King Lord Geoffrey, who lies in a cell hypnotised by magic (‘Why am I in so mean a quarters?’) The Doctor, discovering that he shares a cell with The King’s loyal servant Haval, learns what’s been going on: The Magician, Signus, is working for the wrongful heir (‘He has a mind to make your brother into you!’) and seems to have powers equal to The Doctor’s, conjuring up what looks awfully like an Alazarian Marsh child from ‘Full Circle’ seven years early in the last page, but the timelord’s science and cunning is more than a match for magic (‘By the saints, this man is no weakling!’) Signus also has a frog, Meon, who follows the Doctor and Haval about, spying on their every move. There’s a sequence, fondly remembered by fans of the comic strips, where The Doctor and Haval escape from prison in a hastily built glider (‘By all that’s blessed, he flies like an eagle!’) – the science of which is pretty questionable to be honest given what materials The Doctor has available to him, but it makes for a fun action finale! You’d think that a Dr Who middle ages story would be the laziest thing going (that’s certainly what Bob Holmes though when Terrance Dicks asked him to write ‘The Time Warrior’!) but while it clearly it can’t match the Holmesian dialogue there are some really decent lines here that do sound like genuine period dialogue rather than the expected fan fiction (‘There’ll be sleep enough when our lord has dispatched him to the devil’ says a soldier, finding a stray arrow has knocked The Doctor unconscious). This strip is also the origin of the gag about how the sonic screwdriver doesn’t ‘do’ wood! When TV Comic were running low on strips they reprinted this one, across issues #1397 and #1403 (September-October 1978), with the exact same drawings but with Tom Baker’s head crudely plastered on top of Jon Pertwee’s!


‘Castle Of Fear’ (2009) is a Big Finish audio story (#127 in their main range) and features the 5th Doctor and Nyssa in Stockbridge, the scene of a run of popular Dr Who Magazine comic strips featuring the Davison Doctor. The Tardis lands in 1899 where The Doctor is asked to take part in a 700th anniversary recreation of a Medieval play about the devil coming back to life, written by a woman with the wonderful name ‘Maude The Withered’. It turns out that he was involved in the events that led to the original play back in 1199. The ‘demon’ turns out to be a Rutan – the one Commander Linx was chasing when he himself crash-landed (we never do get a proper date for ‘The Time Warrior’ but it’s most likely a few decades earlier than this). The Doctor and Nyssa go back in time and stop the rutan in a story that’s very like ‘The Time Warrior’ (but lacks Holmes’ brilliant dialogue, not helped by the fact Rutans only speak when possessing someone!) It’s still worth a listen though, especially if you like historical stories.


How come The Doctor already knows The Sontarons in this, their first TV story? Because he encountered them before, in Big Finish’s ‘Early Adventures’ story titled, umm, ’The Sontarons’ (2016). We already covered this one in ‘The Dalek’s Masterplan’, slotted as it is somewhere around episode seven or eight of that story with the 1st Doctor travelling with Steven and Sara Kingdom, but it’s worth mentioning again. Not least because for once The Doctor’s companions know more than he does: Steven warns The Doctor of how ruthless they are, while Sara, from her days with the Space security Service, knows how to kill them via the probic vent. It’s a tad unsettling actually to hear the 1st Doctor so out of his depth with an alien that simply doesn’t do what 1st Doctor aliens do (i.e. do bloodthirsty things rather than natter and threaten), but it’s good to hear The Sontarons at their brutal best again after so many TV stories poking fun at them and making them the butt of all the jokes; Steven, especially, spends quite a lot of this story terrified out of his wits. 


Though not recorded until the 1990s, the two standalone radio plays by Barry Letts recorded for BBC radio are set somewhere soon after ‘The Time Warrior’ so feel as if they belong here (the first story features the Brigadier and Sarah being introduced to one another – even though it contradicts the fact that they meet for the first time again in ‘Dinosaurs’ and that plot needs to follow on directly from ‘The Time Warrior’). Nowadays ‘Big Finish’ have rather spoilt us, with multiple releases every month of past Doctors, companions and writers all returning to roles they once made famous, but in 1993 it was new and oh so exciting! Forget ‘Dimensions In Time’, ‘The Paradise Of Death’ was the real Dr Who anniversary present, with Barry Letts writing his first story for the series since ‘Spiders’, Jon Pertwee’s first full-length appearance since ‘The Five Doctors’ a decade before, Sarah Jane Smith returning for the first time since ‘K9 and Company’ and the Brigadier back for the first time since ‘Battlefield’, all in the same story! Of course they had to spoil it by throwing in new companion Jeremy Fitzoliver (better known as radio’s go-to squeaky voices adolescent, most famous for playing Tintin), an annoying teenage brat who makes Brendan from ‘K9 and Co’ seem sweet, but hey you can’t everything. The story was a bit odd too in places, more like a ‘Sarah Jane Adventures’ story than a 3rd Doctor one, with UNIT called in to investigate an unexplained death in a theme park named ‘Space World’ with a zoo that just happens to house lots of alien monsters. Hopes are high that it’s going to be a returning alien (I had money on The Master) but it turns out to be more of a 1990s style threat, a shadowy X Filesy villain. There are some really odd moments thrown in there too, like The Doctor suddenly unveiling lots of abilities we’ve never seen before, like his amazingly strong vision that enables him to spot hairs under a corpse’s fingeranils (the crossover between The Doctor and Sherlock Holmes starts here long before Steven Moffat gets hold of him) and the timelord gift of ‘bone relaxation’ that enables him to fall 200 feet with no damage at all (odd that he didn’t do that in ‘Logopolis’ really – or that Logopolis’ executive producer Letts, whose knowledge of Dr Who was better than most people to work on the show in the 20th century, would have forgotten that fact. Still, not many of us were paying attention to the plot anyway – we were too busy listening to our old friends back together again and sparring off each other and that’s where ‘Paradise’ scores most highly, with Letts still clearly fond of the characters he once helped create and he hadn’t lost his gift for dialogue either. First broadcast on Radio 5, of all channels, then released on cassette later in the year – it’s a sign of how relatively unpopular Dr Who was back then that it took until the year 2000 for a CD release (and long since deleted, although it is part of the 2011 box set ‘The BBC Radio Dr Who Collection’ which is still around if you’re quick). Barry’s novel of his story ended up becoming the last book in the original long-running Target range. We’ll pick up this story with the second much-delayed Letts radio story ‘The Ghosts Of N-Space’ under ‘Death To The Daleks’
, if you haven’t been there already.  


 


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