The Two Doctors: Ranking - 254

  The Two Doctors

(Season 22, Dr 6 with Peri and Dr 2 with Jamie, 16/2/1985-2/3/1985,  producer: John Nathan-Turner, script editor: Eric Saward, writer: Robert Holmes, director: Peter Moffat)  

Rank: 254

''Food glorious food, tender Terranians and custard! Wait, why is that baked potato alien shooting at me?!'

This story isn't bad by any means, but it wastes a lot of the things that could have made it really special. Bob Holmes is back writing for Dr Who again at last after six years away...a story that's quite unlike his usual style. We get the return of the 2nd Doctor!...Who after spending episode 1 totally nailing the part he's only played twice in 16 years then has to spend most of the story out of character as a 'part Androgum'. He's back with Jamie...who turns savage partway through and barely says a word. Bob Holmes writes for his most famous creations The Sontarons for only the second time...under heavy protest at having to have a monster at all, so they might as well not be here too (also, how come the Androgums don't at least try to have a nibble if they like Human flesh so much? I mean, Humans don't look tasty but the Sontarons resemble baked potatoes on legs). There's a great and nuanced cast headed by John Stratton and Jacqueline Pearce (a Blake's 7 baddy stronger than any humanoid we see in Who, except perhaps Roger Delgado's Master) ...Who are given a script that all but encourages over-acting and throws subtlety out the window. We get a lot of location filming in Spain...But for all the difference it makes to the script it could have been filmed in Croydon (the original plan, to film in New Orleans, made a lot more sense, but the budget got cut and the script re-worked at the last minute). Like many a Bob Holmes story, this one is based around one of the bees in his bonnet, but his conversion to vegetarianism doesn't lend itself to a DW story as well as his pet peeves bureaucrats and tax inspectors. The idea of what would happen if Humans were seen as nothing special and just another group in the food chain by an alien species gives the Androgums a whole new clever reason for coming to Earth, but it also makes for a really gruesome little story where everyone wants to kill everyone else, most of the time in sets resembling giant kitchens with slabs of meat hanging from hooks. Even the Doctor gets in on the act, killing Shockeye with cyanide - it's hard to imagine another story where he would even think of doing that, even if it is in self defence while badly injured. I can just about imagine a 'normal' 6th Dr story in this setting, as its not that far removed from the 'video nasty' theme of 'Vengeance on Varos' which worked really well and gave Colin Baker a chance to get on his high horse a lot, the moral outrage his doctor does so well. But the 2nd Dr is completely wrong for this sort of story - a cuddlier, funnier yet underneath it all a subtler and often a more manipulative Dr - is just the wrong setting for him to come alive. This Dr quickly becomes a passenger caught up in circumstances and that's something he never was in the 1960s (or indeed till Peter Davison came along). This is one of the grimmest stories DW ever did, with the two Tardis crews eating or being eaten or being converted or badly injured, yet unlike the other grim DW stories (mostly the Eric Saward war epics) there's a lot of humour here too, with a lot of funny lines and philosophising between the action scenes that's pretty much unique to this series. Though there are lots of good moments and some great ones, I'm not convinced it works - this is the sort of story that will tell you off for eating meat, then linger on every gruesome detail of the cast about to be skinned alive and eaten, then throws in a joke to make you laugh. Definitely not one to watch over dinner in other words; you need strong stomach and a wicked sense of humour to get the most out of this one, for all the many things it gets right.

Positives + The best bits by far are the all-too brief interactions between the two Doctors and two companions. Colin Baker and Patrick Troughton were old friends (Colin was once room-mates with Pat's son David) and their affection and easy chemistry lights up the screen, though their banter is spicy and icy even for a multi-Dr story. It's impressive how completely Pat Troughton revives his character and the start in black and white could easily be taken for a 1960s episode give or take the odd wrinkle. Jamie and Peri make a great double-act too and its interesting to see how despite being two very different characters from entirely different centuries they both end up resembling each other: loyal, brave, but slightly clueless. The downside is hat it takes so much of the plot before they meet and then how quickly afterwards the 2nd Dr gets converted into an Androgum, complete with orange eyebrows.

Negatives -This is such an oddly plotted story for anyone, but particularly by one of the most prolific DW writers and one-time script editor, a story that gives you horrible while you're still laughing from the previous scene and conversely something funny while you're still reeling in horror. Combining the two is what DW stand out from its peers, but its never been done quite as black and white as this before. Take Oscar, the pretentious insect collector - an obvious bit of comic relief with his penchant for quoting Shakespeare at inopportune moments and ideas above his station. He's the sort of character who always survives to the end then tells the authority figure what really happened while they don't believe a word of it. Here even he dies, a quite gruesome and gratuitous death, while still in character and coming up with pretentious quotes. The point being made is that, for all his high culture, to Shockeye he's just another piece of meat, but how are we meant to respond to that scene? Laugh or cry?