Wednesday, 18 January 2023

The Return Of Dr Mysterioso: Rank - 294

 The Return Of Dr Mysterioso

(Christmas Special, Dr 12 with Nardole, 25/12/2016, producer/showrunner: Steven Moffat, writer: Steven Moffat, director: Ed Bazalgette)

Rank: 294

Slower than a speeding bullet on a tortoise, less powerful than a locomotive replacement bus service sent through a wormhole,  able to fall off tall buildings in the simplest of cliffhangers, look up there on sky (or BBC One) it’s…The Return Of Mysterioso




 
Hear that, dear reader-viewer? It’s the sound of a passing bandwagon. You might not have heard that sound before because, well, Dr Who doesn’t jump onto other bandwagons. It is, indeed, the bandwagon that other lesser series jump on. It’s something Dr Who had never ever resorted to in all its fifty-three years and counting: I mean, much as I’d have loved to have seen the 2nd Doctor and chums in a 1967 style Monkees romp (admittedly ‘The Underwater Menace’ comes close) or the 5th Doctor battling Omega on a space-hopper while wearing deely-boppers and solving a rubik’s cube (about the only strange thing he doesn’t do during ‘Arc Of Infinity’) or the 10th Doctor running around a Minecraft type world (though that would at least explain why ‘The Impossible Planet/Satan’s Pit’ turned out as weird and unlikely as it did), while Dr Who kind of invented that whole ‘more than just a sexy vampire used slightly ironically’ thing that everyone praised Stephanie Meyer back in 1981 with ‘State Of Decay’, Dr Who had never actually stooped that low before.  So it was something of a disappointment to see ‘The Return Of Dr Mysterioso’ cashing in on the contemporary trend for Marvel superhero movies with as blatant rip-off as you will find anywhere.  I really don't understand the sudden surge of popularity in superhero films the past decade. I mean, they're all so bland and blooming boring. Half the time you can guess where the plot goes just from the superhero names (and if there's an incredible hulk, does that mean there are lots of credible hulks around?) Not like our Doctor: unpredictable, fallible, saving the universe not with special powers but a screwdriver, sometimes a robotic dog, maybe a pocket vegetable. While you could argue that Dr Who was originally created as a sort of meta channel hopping, of putting the ‘Dr Who’ element into other shows you might have been watching (mostly historicals - see ‘The Gunfighters’ in particular – but occasionally tales of giant ants and things too, see both ‘Planet Of Giants’ and ‘The Web Planet’) at least those stories are true crossovers, with a plot that wouldn’t have happened without the Doctor. This one might as well not feature the Doctor for all the good he does and all the effect he has on it (his relevance to the plot is basically accidentally causing the super powers at the start and a pep talk in the middle). Usually when we talk about two very different worlds colliding on this show that’s meant in a good way, but this one is just way too alien and strange, two very opposite bedfellows that should never have been allowed to meet.


For instance superheroes have to be ‘all good’. They defeat villains that are ‘all bad’. That’s the whole point of those stories: not are they going to save the day, but in what way are they going to save the day that hasn’t done before? Generally speaking superhero stories take place in a world that’s only very vaguely recognisable as our own, where the rules of everyday living have been bent and normal situations don’t apply. The best superhero stories make sure that it’s only the goody and baddy for whom the usual rules don’t apply, so we can still identify with their world, but basically when you enter a superhero world of logic nothing ‘normal’ applies. Science fiction, for all the ‘fiction’ in the name and the occasional bit of gobbledegook, is rooted in science, in ‘real life’. The things that happen in the show have never, so far as I know, actually happened but the assumption is that one day they could (and indeed might have been happening under our noses without us noticing). Mostly, though, it takes place in the ‘real world’, where decisions aren’t always clear cut, where baddies often set out with the right intentions and get blown off course by circumstances and where nobody is all good and all evil (I mean, even The Master has his good days). The motivation is set in stone in superhero stuff: people do stuff because they’re evil, with no other reason given – there’s no back story and very little tension because you know the goodies will save the day. Science fiction isn’t like that and especially Dr Who. Occasionally the bad guys win. If you want to know the big difference in a nutshell it’s this: when Peter Parker met a radioactive spider he ended up with specials powers that enabled him to ‘fly’ and spin webs. When The Doctor met a radioactive spider he ended up in a forced regeneration in as Buddhist parable about guilt and ego (see ‘Planet Of The Spiders’). In many ways Steven Moffat couldn’t have picked a worse genre for this series to be bedfellows with: they just don’t belong together. A ‘true’ Doctor Who superhero story would have been about how not all heroes wear capes and no one hero can ever be all ‘super’.


There is, at least, good reason for why the showrunner was jumping on a bandwagon; just for a change, behind the scenes Dr Who was in chaos. Steven Moffat had already wrapped up what he thought would be his time on the show with ‘The Husbands Of River Song’, a story that closed out several arcs and was in many ways the perfect ending. The writer was worn out after five years of constant work (the same amount Russell T clocked up before he left) and thought he had already paved the way for a crossover to his successor Chris Chibnall who’d agreed to take over the show. Only there was a problem. Since saying yes the ratings for Chris’ own show ‘Broadchurch’ (a home for various Who alumni, not least David Tennant, Arthur Darvill and Jodie Whittaker) had come out and they were huge: obviously the BBC didn’t want to lose out on that so they’d asked for another series. Maybe another two. Suddenly Chibnall was busier than he’d ever been in his life. He didn’t want to lose out on either so bashed out two series in relatively quick succession across 2015 and 2017, even though it was the kind of detective drama with a plot twist that you can only pull off once (the first series was okay, if you can get over Tennant being all grumpy and nasty to poor old Olivia Colman from ‘The Eleventh Hour’, the weakest of his many acting moods, but the other two were dreadful. Spoilers: the first ends with – you’ll never guess – Jodie Whittaker standing around looking aghast doing nothing as someone close to her betrays her. Just like every 13th Doctor story). However both that and planning the first Dr Who season took longer than Chibnall expected. Luckily he and Moffat were friends so they hatched out a plan: take a ‘gap year’. Moffat, worried the ratings might fall and the show might die, offered to write up one last story, perhaps a Christmas special to keep the lucrative slot. Only by the time he wrote it everyone realised it still wouldn’t be enough time and Moffat was persuaded to write another year.


Luckily Moffat gets his mojo back for series ten (and how!), freed from all expectation and responsibility and basically play-acting all the things he always wanted to do. However for this series he’s sick and tired of Dr Who. He has very few ideas left that he hasn’t used and is utterly bored of science fiction. He can’t think of anything at all. He’s still trying to think of what to write during the Dr Who worldwide promotional blitz of series nine when he tags along with the cast heading to a big event in Mexico at the tail end of 2014. Now, you might not think of South America as a natural ‘home’ for Dr Who but the following has always been large, with screenings of Dr Who episodes from as early as 1968 (when Hartnell and Troughton episodes were shown, dubbed). As so often happens, though, the name was changed in translation: the idea of a mystery Doctor’ doesn’t always make sense when translated literally into foreign languages. So in China for instance the series title translates as ‘The Strange Man From Another World’ and then there’s my favourite ‘Ki Vogy Docy’, which translates as ‘Who Are You, Doc?’ in Hungarian (sadly ‘Dr Who’ doesn’t change to ‘Dr Von Wer’ in German, the way The Doctor improvises in ‘The Highlanders’, a missed opportunity if ever there was one). In Mexico Dr Who is titled ‘Doctor Mysterioso’, a fact that tickled Peter Capaldi hugely. He took to using the name as his nom de plume, using it to book into hotels and jokingly insisting to Moffat that he ought to ignore fifty odd years of British continuity and rename the main show that (the deep growly voice he uses when he gives that name is also his impression of the Mexican continuity announcer). Then when Moffat was sitting at his laptop looking for inspiration he suddenly thought: why not give the Doctor an alter ego, the way comic book heroes do? This then led to a plot that isn’t actually about The Doctor but about the people he meets, hinging on a 'wish granting gemstone' swallowed by an eight year old superhero nerd who dreams of having super-powers, which is a downright silly plot even for a Christmas special. The gemstone is, technically, an ‘intuitive crystal’ the Doctor is tracking, which happens to be accidentally eaten by said lonely small boy who feels ‘thrown away like a piece of rubbish’ and which gives him ‘magical powers’ (and not at all like the opening to ‘Superted’ no way; if only Jon Pertwee had still been alive for a cameo as a spotty best friend). In the end The Doctor doesn’t need his alter ego at all, but it helped in inspiring the script and ended up in the title. Well, I bet it made Capaldi laugh anyway.


Anyway, Dr Who's predictable attempt to cash in on this superhero phenomenon is pretty lame to be honest. It's basically Superman with childcare issues. There’s no getting away from it: this is one of the single dumbest plots Dr Who ever did. Moffat isn’t interested in the back story of the ‘intuitive crystal’ (even though it could so easily have come from Metebelis 3 and added to the ‘Spiderman’ references), he just produces it from his pocket while hanging off a window ledge in New York where he wakes up a small boy. Not that small a boy though: aged eight should be plenty old enough to know not to eat something glowing you’ve just been shown by a mysterious stranger who says its dangerous (and I don’t buy his spiel that he thought this man really was ‘a’ Doctor; he thought he was Father Christmas a minute earlier in the episode’s sole festive reference). There’s a throwaway line that the ‘intuitive crystal’ is forged from a dwarf alloy, something that in almost any other Who script would be the central point: where is it from? How did it get here? What form does it really take? Dr Who has used that plot device twice before, in two of the most inventive and original stories the series has ever seen: ‘The Pirate Planet’ (where it’s used to shrink planets) and ‘Warrior’s Gate’ (where normal time doesn’t exist). Instead Moffat just moves on at speed (but not enough speed, given hos much the story slows in the second half). The boy then ends up with powers of levitation and superhuman strength. A crystal that powerful should have played a far bigger role in the Whoniverse than this: The Daleks should have been destroying worlds for it, The Cybermen should be clunking their metallic ways across parallel universes for it, The Master should be dying to use the power it would give him (literally given what seems to happen to him at the end of stories nowadays). Why, too, would levitation be a side effect of anything? Or super lazer-vision? Shouldn’t he be more likely to develop a migraine? Oh well, it is Christmas, the one time of the year you can get away with this sort of thing. I’m sure the rest of the plot will make total sense.


Only then enters the generic baddy, Brock, a sleazeball in charge of the Harmony Shoals corporation (you know, the headless wonders from ‘The Husbands Of River Song’ who can move body parts around). His scientific laboratory base isn’t quite underground but in every other respect it’s every comic book stereotype come true. It’s a base from which he intends to…take over planet Earth, wahahahahahahahaha. There’s even a girl reporter getting the lowdown on his dastardly deeds and needing to be rescued when she uncovers a bit too much, like Penny was originally meant to be in the first draft of Russell T Davies’ ‘Partners In Crime’ who is as close to Lois Lane as copyright will allow. Good job it’s a quarter century around and in the neighbourhood of that little boy, who by now has grown into the powers The Doctor warned him not to use and is using the most rubbish superhero pseudonym I’ve ever heard, ‘The Ghost’ (why does he call himself that? Because in every day life he wouldn’t have a ghost of a chance at doing anything interesting?) At least as a boy Grant was cute and clueless. As an adult he’s just gormless and clueless. He’s scratching out a living as a nanny of all things, still dreaming of being a superhero but too helpless to do much of a job at everyday life stuff. Just to ram the point home he’s described as being ‘mild mannered’ and also now wears big chunky Clark Kent type glasses he never needed as a kid (did the child actor refuse to wear them? Can’t say I blame him)  that make him ‘unrecognisable’ to those that see him in his guise as The Ghost, even those who know him well. He’s not like Superman though but more like Spiderman, a kid out of his league who doesn’t really know what the hell he’s doing, only without the self-referential humour that went along with Pewter parker’s antics. He’s meant to be a lovable dork in a Dr Who nerd type way, but unlike, say, The Whizzkid (who is, rather unfortunately, familiar) or Osgood, he never for one minute seems like ‘one of us’. He’s not a scifi fan with dreams of saving the world from monsters because it’s the right and moral thing to do. He’s not burning up with curiosity to see different planets and explore different cultures and experience a universe so bigger than his tiny little life, like all true Tardis blue Whovians. He’s just doing it to try to impress a girl he’s secretly fancied for years and yet who has been friendzoned faster than you can say ‘Jack Harkness Robinson’. There is a brief moral that anyone can become a superhero – by growing up and taking responsibility as a husband and dad, learning new strengths and skills, but the difference between this and, say, ‘The Lodger’ is that you know Craig really is changed by being around The Doctor and try his hardest even if he fails, whereas I give Grant and Lucy about three months if I’m honest. They’re just not in this love story for the right reasons and it’s all a sham.


The biggest problem with ‘Mysterioso’? Saving the universe gets put on hold while we get the will they? Won’t they? We don’t care romance centre stage, a ‘love triangle’ of Grant pining for Lucy pining for The Ghost, solved in the easiest possible way because Grant and The Ghost are one and the same. It might well be the worst romance the series has ever done (and heck, did you actually see ‘Orphan 55’?!) Grant and Lucy do not belong together in anyway. He prefers the quiet life, while she’s off investigating in a Sarah Jane type way. She’s actually pretty cool for all her obvious good looks and Romana style haughtiness, courageous and plucky like all the best companions and incidental characters (just as Lois Lane is actually way more interesting than Superman ever was), but she has no interest in Grant whatsoever when he’s ordinary and only starts getting the hots for him when he’s ‘special’. As for Grant he does what he does to impress her, to get the glow of love and admiration from a girl he’s secretly fancied for years but never been brave enough to actually ask out. You can see where the problem lies: ‘Our’ series is all about how you can be brave and save the world if you get the chance but it takes real guts to stand on your own two feet and be yourself, to take charge of your own corner of the world and make the most of it. The Doctor admittedly does give a rather good pep talk to Grant on this, urging him to be himself, which he finally does in the de facto happy ending (on a rooftop, naturally, because that’s where all superhero films do the big reveal for some reason), but stop to think about this for a while. How long is this romance going to last? She falls for Grant because of who she thinks he is, ignoring all those years of who he was (and still is, deep down). While he learns the lesson that only by showing off can you get the girl of your dreams. I don’t know about you but I preferred the series’ other romantic lessons, of Ian and Barbara learning new love and respect for each other after so many adventures, of Jamie pining for Victoria out of a desperate need to rescue her even though more often that not it would be her rescuing him, of Rory patiently waiting for his Amy for a thousand years while she commits suicide in her dream world because she can’t bear the thought of being without him. By contrast, using the super-powers you only gained by doing something stupid in the pre-credits sequence to save a crashing spaceship to show off to your girl is not in the top or even mid tier of human romances. Because neither of them is being their ‘true’ selves there’s nothing really to get a handle on and Grant stops being a fully rounded character the minute he grows up (something which, admittedly, happens to lots of adults in real life). However he should be more interesting with super powers, not less. The vast majority of the plot is taking up by these two and, frankly, I couldn’t care less if he’d accidentally crashed the spaceship into her house and killed the pair of them. This is, remember, by the writer of some of the greatest romcoms telly has ever seen so it ought to be a plot right up his street (His best? No it’s not ‘Coupling’, which was kind of okay, but ‘Press Gang’). It ought to be so much better than this. One other point to: where’s Grant in all the stories set after this one but within his lifetime in the Whoniverse? You’d think he’d be using them for good and pulling his weight in stories like ‘The Power Of the Doctor’ ‘The Giggle’ or ‘Praxeus’ but nah, we never see him again. Not that I’m complaining about that fact you understand.


So why,  if this story is so bad, haven’t I listed it right at the very bottom, with the dregs of the series, the ‘Voyage Of the Damned’The Dominators’ and various 13th Doctor stories?  It’s the dialogue. Moffat might have fumbled the ball badly with the plot but he’s sharp as a tack when it comes to the actual words. The baddy actually tells jokes, quipping that – as he moves alien heads like some evil Worzel (what is it with all the Pertwee references this week? – that ‘I’ve changed my mind’). The Doctor quips that everyone else on Earth calls themselves a doctor to look clever because they want to be like ‘him’. It’s taken a couple of years to get there but Moffat really understands the 12th Doctor by now: he’s not a William Hartnell substitute, an old grump with a twinkle in the eye. Instead he’s a permanently exasperated tutor, one who’s annoyed when his pupils can’t keep up with his speed but won’t make any concessions to slow down for them. He’s also grieving after losing River Song on top of Clara, on his way to become the distant walled-up defensive professor we meet in ‘The Pilot’ and Capaldi’s a lot better at this sort of a darker Doctor than the goofy one he was in his first two years. Capaldi seems more at home in this universe than you might expect (he will end up playing Gaius Grieves aka ‘The Thinker’, a failed lawyer who’s turned to a life of crime ad invented a ‘thinking cap’ that gives him telepathic abilities, in the 2021 Marvel superhero film ‘The Suicide Squad’, their own tired mind-numbing entry that more or less killed off enthusiasm for their franchise). He’s brilliantly funny in this story, often without ever meaning to be, convinced that he’s so smart everyone else might be really thick, even when he misses out on some things so obvious even Nardole has to point them out. Nardole himself is the story’s quiet hero, rewritten to be slightly less annoying and passive than he was in ‘Husbands Of River Song’, but still quirky and weird. While everyone else is being po-faced he’s puncturing their pomposity (such as breaking his ‘cover’ in the Harmony Shoals press room to ask for the loo or pointing out The Doctor’s mistakes); when everyone else is over-earnest and pre-occupied he nonchalantly strolls through the whole thing making quips. Weirdly enough, for a character without a backstory who had to be re-assembled since the last story and is still halfway between a clone and an alien, he feels like ‘our’ representative across this story, making all the jokes The Doctor can’t say and pointing out how dumb superhero shows. Matt Lucas’ deadpan delivery is never better than here and he deserves a lot of credit for a lot of lines that were, apparently, improvised between him and Capaldi. The surprise is that Nardole wasn’t in this script until the last moment: everyone had enjoyed filming ‘River Song’ with him and he’d got along well with cast and crew, so when he mentioned he was available and happy to do anything they might want him for in the future, however small, Moffat began writing him into his next series.  Then, realising that ‘The Pilot’ spent a long time introducing Bill but that viewers would have forgotten who Nardole was, he got added to this special retrospectively too.  Admittedly ‘Mysterioso’ is pretty darn low on my list anyway, but without Nardole there this story would be a good ten places lower. 


I have mixed feelings about the location filming. It seems remarkably quickly to be back in New York again – not least because it ought to be the one place The Doctor can’t go back to (to cover the ending of ‘The Angels Take Manhattan’ that stranded the Ponds in the 1920s; it might be significant, given the behind-the-scenes events, that the first thing Moffat does after being asked to stay on is pick over old continuity and start to undo it). We’re also back at the Empire State Building again for the third time (though the first without the Daleks: see ‘The Chase’ and, sensibly enough, ‘Daleks In Manhattan’), with an oh so obvious I can’t believe they did it shot of Grant ‘climbing’ the outside (when he’s clearly lying down; they were making fun of the Batman TV series for doing this back in the 1960s). On the one hand it gives this story a slightly different, more filmic feel and makes a nice change given that pretty much all previous Christmas specials have been set in England and/or Wales. However it also reminds you even more that you’re watching a watered down version of the Hollywood films that are routinely set here and it smacks even more of jumping on someone else’s territory: a ‘true’ Dr Who superhero story would be set in the least glamorous and cosmopolitan part of the world and have the big news event covered not by a press conglomerate but by a few yokels from a local gazette (think ‘K9 and Company’). It doesn’t help that, for reasons of budget, only a few establishing shots were actually filmed in New York anyway: the rest were filmed in Sofia, Bulgaria, on a Manhattan mockup that had been created at Nu Boyana Studios for European moviemakers on the cheap: admittedly it looks more like New York than Wales would have done, but it still doesn’t look quite right. The interiors were done in Wales as normal,  only even then Dr Who had lost its pecking order and budget cuts meant they were reduced to swapping sets with Welsh soap opera ‘Pobol y Cwm’, with rabid Dr Who fans getting a sneak preview of, erm, Grant’s flat and Lucy’s flat. Be still my beating hearts. As for the accents they’re about as American as apple pie – apple pie made in Gregg’s that is. Nobody in this story’s vaguely cosmopolitan cast is American if you couldn’t already tell: Justin Chatwin (Grant) is Canadian, Charity Wakefield (Lucy) is English and Tomiwa Edun (Brock) is Nigerian.  Capaldi ends up sounding more convincingly American than the lot of them, despite a Scots accent being to an American one what a Skaro one is to a Sensorite. Justin, by the way, is the estranged elder son of Tom Cruise in the ‘War Of The Worlds’ movie, so he should be better at scifi than this (even though he admitted to not knowing what Dr Who was till he got the part).Charity, by contrast, was a huge Whovian who’d been watching regularly since the McCoy days after her dad got her into the show (now you see, that’s what being a good parent consists of). Oh and given I’ve run out of space to put it anywhere else, why the hell is there a Primal Scream song randomly on the soundtrack? At least go with a band from New York not one from Scotland!


Some superhero movie this is: I feel like I've been drained of all my strength. I’d have been happier with a story about the Karkus (Zoe’s favourite comic character in ‘The Mind Robber’). At least he came in more dimensions than this and actually did stuff without stopping to kiss every five minutes (though who knows what happened in that story when we weren’t looking. There’s nothing to say The Land of Fiction doesn’t have a ‘Mills and Boon’ section) . This is easily the laziest script by in many ways Who’s most original inventive and imaginative writer, a script that feels as if Moffat reached out into the ether for something else without understanding quite how it worked (though he was a big comics fan and wrote the Superman and Spiderman references in from memory of comics of his childhood read in between Dr Who target novelisations. Note the references to two childhood heroes, who weirdly enough are given a sex change when Brock refers to his bosses, a ‘Miss Shuster’ and a ‘Miss Siegel’, the male writer and artists behind Superman, perhaps an in-joke too far). Director Ed Bazalgatte, in publicity for the story, told reporters how impressed he was that ‘the story barely changed from the first script to his filming script. Yep that’s the problem right there: it needs another half dozen rewrites to make it interesting at least. I haven’t even mentioned yet that it’s all so blooming slow: just take the opening nine minute pre-credits sequence: a record at the time (‘Eve Of the Daleks’ might have beaten it, but I need my stopwatch) that honestly made me think when I first saw it that it was the end credits it had dragged on that long. Every scene lasts twice as long as it needs to, every single one. The romance. The baddy revealing his plans. The pep talk. The showdown. All of it feels dragged out in slow motion, as if Superman was flying round the Earth the wrong way round in order to make time go in reverse (about the only cliché we didn’t get: weird given that it’s the most scifi-friendly trope in the superhero franchise).


Superhero films and bad romances really are Dr Who’s kryptonite it seems. They’re never popular at the exact same time (peaking in popularity in the late 1980s, when Who was taken off the air),perhaps because they have such different sensibilities. It maybe wouldn’t have mattered so much (It’s good that this show still tried this, even when they don’t work) but after a year gap since the last story broken only by the uninspiring spin-off series ‘Class’ (Grange Hill meets Fresh Prince of Bel Air, with rubbish aliens), literally a ‘substitute teacher’ filling in the hole where our master tutor should be, that made this story seem all the worse after all that waiting. While the ratings had begun a gradual slide ever since Capaldi’s second episode and this one technically did a little better than ‘Husbands’ nevertheless I see this as the moment when more gradual audiences forgot about Who, with far fewer turning in for the next series perhaps because they’d been so bored by sitting through this one. I still remember the reaction after that year’s annual ‘sneak peek’ of the Christmas episode on that year’s Children’s In Need’ (always shown in November): there wasn’t one. The social media platforms reverberated to silence, punctuated by the occasional comment that maybe it won’t be as bad as it looks. It was. No wonder people stayed away – I nearly did too. Maybe the general audience, less loyal to Who, realised what deep down we all knew though: that once a series starts copying what’s popular instead of being so darned good it becomes what’s popular, you’re in trouble. It happened before, in the mid 1980s too and even though things will get better, quickly, once your fickle general TV audience  gets the sense that you’re tired they move on. Honestly after this episode I can’t blame them. Thankfully things will get better.


POSITIVES + Just when you’re giving u hope comes that rather good discussion between the Doctor and Grant about what it really means to have super powers and the weight of responsibility that goes with them. Capaldi judges this scene to a tee, the old wise hardened old man trying to get this impressionable young pup to sit still long enough to listen. By the end of it Grant comes out of the scene with a better understanding of what he needs to do to grow up and be brave if he wants the life with Lucy he craves – and that doesn’t involve putting on a suit the way he thought. It’s a lovely scene punctuated by lots of jokes and comedy misunderstandings. Had the rest or the script been up to this one scene it would have been a favourite. 


NEGATIVES - Why are so many men in 21st century Who scared of settling down and more specifically of babies and children? (And why is it never mothers?) Most male fans I know love kids, if only because they have an entire audience to bore with Dr Who episodes they won't ever have seen before and they can buy them Dr Who replica toys and Easter eggs and K9 slippers legitimately without their wives and girlfriends (or husbands and boyfriends) tutting. It's becoming something of a trope by 2016 Moffat, especially, has done it so many times. This story is weirder than most though: there’s no reason for Grant to be a nanny, except to play up the stereotype that in ‘real life’ he’s a beta male, maternal rather than masculine, while in his ‘night job’ and mask he’s an alpha male. But we’re past those sort of tired stereotypes by now aren’t we? Let everyone be whatever the hell they want to be, whether you’re a he, she, it or a hermaphrodite cephalopod from Alpha Centauri. That’s always been the Dr Who ‘way’. 


BEST QUOTE:  ‘Things end. That's all. Everything ends, and it's always sad. But everything begins again too, and that's always happy. Be happy’.  


PREQUELS/SEQUELS: The opening story in the fourth series of Big Finish’s ‘Classic Doctors, New Monsters’ box set (let’s hope we get a ‘Classic Monsters, New Doctors’ set one day when David Tennant and Matt Smith et al aren’t quite so busy!) ‘Invasion Of The Body Stealers’ (2023) features a return of the Harmony Shoal, the disembodied brains that featured briefly in both ‘Mysterioso’ and ‘The Husbands Of River Song’
). They get far more to do here but I still couldn’t tell what they actually are or what they do, not least because they hop through more bodies than Cassandra at a wife swap. Not one of the best stories in the range and both Tom Baker and Sadie Miller (Elisabeth Sladen’s daughter playing her mum’s character Sarah Jane) sound confused more than anything. 

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